At around 10 p.m. it was decided that we had to get admitted for further tests and all that, so I released my brother and the kids. I knew things were malaria when I held Princess K in my arms as we said our goodnights and baby girl broke –that scene had all the makings of an RnB track, tears while getting rained on… get it?- my Ninja, on the other hand, was worried that his brothers’ hotdog would get lonely as the owner was now a guest at the hospital. I checked on Samurai, found him sleeping then proceeded to the registration desk this time for admission.
I went back to the ER, got a seat, and tried sleeping next to my child, but I would keep waking up every so often to check whether he was still with us. Like how new moms keep checking for proof of life every other time. We were moved to HDU at around 1 a.m., to rest for a while before he could get the EEG and MRI done later that morning. My parents and my sister were kept in the loop all along and of course my church family. When we got admitted that evening, I dropped a text to Githae Josie, I cannot remember how I reached out to Hilda Asnat, and our Pastor TD Kasuku Ministries International. My brain was in survival mode, so I did the bare minimum, and saved the energy for Samurai, Princess K, and Ninja.
Fear, Science, and Faith
Josie came over that morning and stayed with me until young man was taken for an MRI, after confirming that Hilda and Pastor were on the way, she went to work. A few minutes later they arrived and we sat at the reception praying, catching up, and getting encouraged then a lull fell over us, and each one left to their thoughts. When nervous or worried, I tend to talk as a coping mechanism. I turned to Pastor and asked; “You have been very quiet, what is on your mind?”
He said; “You know in such an environment, there is a need to consult God and understand what is happening. I appreciate the science side, but remember, there is the spiritual too.”
This I appreciated and kept silent.
After a few minutes, he said; “you know, what is happening to him has an emotional or mental aspect to it too.”
I knew there was a lot that had happened in Samurai’s life, but he has never been one to complain. I always knew when he was not ok, but he would never admit to struggling to protect me. I would say the last three years have been spent working on our relationship and getting him to feel safe speaking up. My family can attest to this side of the quiet Samurai. We moved to the radiology department waiting bay after a short wait, Samurai was wheeled out and had a little chat with our visitors, The Pastor prayed, and encouraged us then Samurai went back to HDU as I saw them off.
I had to leave the young man to go freshen up, and hearing him beg me not to go was gut wrenching. I had been told earlier at the ER, that I could not stay with Samurai since he was already 15 I suppose because he was to be admitted to the male ward or because there is a cut-off age for staying with children in hospital. I was as tone deaf as your leader on this matter. An hour or so later I came back to the hospital with my entire brood and Samurai was missing, his bed in HDU was made, the lights had been switched off, and no 6-foot-tall child was in sight. My blood ran cold, and my overactive imagination activated, I went to the nurses’ desk… they had moved him to the pediatric ward. Sema relief…
This was the start of our four-day stay in the hospital. The fear had gone what remained was Science and Faith. The nursing staff was amazing, and they took a liking to Samurai he was handled with so much care and gentleness. -we owe them a visit, just to say thank you- every day Princess K and Ninja would tag along when my brother was coming.
On the third day, we got the diagnosis it was confusing like lack of importance (in greek we say ta kwaga bata) to mean things were thick.
- The MRI showed an infection in his temporal lobe.
- The neurologist said the MRI was clear – we however got referred to Aga Khan for a more advanced MRI.
- The EEG results looked fine but they recommended an overnight one.
- The convulsions were Psychogenic non-epileptic ones, leading to a psychosomatic diagnosis, and so therapy was recommended. (remember our conversation with Pastor at the waiting bay?)
The overnight EEG was done on Thursday, and at some point, during the night, it picked some spikes in his brain activity on his left side… the recording of him sleeping did not show any convulsions happening in his sleep. So, a treatment plan was made Samurai was put on meds and therapy was recommended. When they were explaining about the meds, they mentioned something about mood stabilizers and my mind switched off completely.
Like how do you put a child who already keeps to himself on those things? Do they now want me to lose my child for real? All logic flew out the window Gladys Njiraini tried to speak to me, but I was already in denial, considering that according to them, he would have to be on medication for a prolonged period. We were discharged the following day in the evening with our meds, and a resolution to not give him the ones with mood-stabilizing properties. I can see you judging… the fear had come back, and settle it did…
